more chaos

Just came back from supper and I learnt of more bad news.

Things haven't been going very smoothly in my family and I feel ashamed for not being able to sense it. I guess I have been too busy worrying about myself to look at the bigger picture. Apparently, things were so bad that my dad actually wanted to walk out of the house at one point of time. I guess now i know where i got my bad temper from. And to add to the problems, i also learned that my grandfather haven't been doing very well after being discharged from hospital very recently. He can now hardly move and requires a tube attached to him to relieve himself. I feel sad for him and really puts my problems into perspective when measured up against his. And i feel even more ashamed that i didn't know this much until now since i had always been his favourite grandson.

It funny how shit can happen all at the approximate same instance. I guess its all part of the process of growing and maturing as a person. Having said that, it doesn't make dealing with it any easier. I'm sure everything will fall into place someway somehow like it always does.

Its late and i must head back to sleeping in my living room. I hate sleeping in my room now because its too quiet and the deafening silence will force my mind to wander into thoughts that i rather not have. I rather take the mattress and sleep to the noise of the tv in the background. Its just my way of getting some sleep. I must go, good night.